Monthly Archives: June 2017

Relationship Problems

This is one aspect in relationship that very many people pray they will never experience. But be sure and understand that the only place where relationship problems will not occur is a place where there is no relationship at all. No matter how small or casual a relationship looks like, there are problems associated with it. The earlier you learn this truth the more prepared you would be when these problems arise.

Actually nobody ever wishes to experience any problem in his or her relationship but we can never no matter how we try run away from relationship problems. While I want this stuck in your head is for you to understand that it is not a strange thing for you to be passing through this kind of relationship problems. Have you heard of the saying that says that “what goes for the duck is also good for the geese” meaning that somebody somewhere is also having a serious challenge in his or her own relationship.

You see, you are not alone on this side of the ship. Yes there are some persons whose relationship problems are more terrible than the one you might be thinking that you have. So my dear relationship problems are actually one of the features of relationship. Though you are free to pray not to have these problems at all but my candid advice is that you should create a room for it in your heart. i don’t mean you should harbour or create problems for yourself

CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
Now, having understood that relationship problems are part of the ways of a relationship. Let’s now look at reasons why a relationship would always have challenges. There are lots of relationship problems scattered all over the world. So it will be very difficult trying to enumerate all the relationship problems and what causes them. But I will try and see how best you will be helped in discovering those things you must have neglected that are trying to cost you your relationship. It is until you discover the cause of your problem you may not exactly know how to handle them.

There is another fact I would want to make you understand. Sometimes when people start having problem in their relationship, they more often than not exonerate themselves from being the cause of the relationship problem, they only see a greater percentage of the problem in the other person. Let me share with you some pivot reasons why most relationship have problems. Perhaps you would have a deeper understanding of your situation.

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING
This is one of the millions and billions of reasons while people are having relationship problems. Before you can walk or work with anybody, there must be a sense of understanding. Because you have refused to understand your partner, wife children, parent, siblings, friends, etc. that is why it looks as if the issue you are having now would not be resolved. What does it mean to understand? It means that both of you or all of you that are involved in the relationship are seeing things from different angles. When you say cheese and your partner says nuts, I don’t think that there is any agreement at all.

TOLERANCE
Tolerance simply means being able accommodate, being able to condone no matter what. Are you so disciplined that you don’t take shit from anybody? Are you so careful that you don’t want to accommodate any weakling in your life or business? How about your idiosyncrasy? Maybe you are a perfectionist at several points? These are some of the things that can engineer lack of tolerance in your relationship and where there is no tolerance there must be a lot relationship problems. It is as simple as that, when there is no tolerance, relationship problems settle as fast as they could. This issue of lack of tolerance has shipwrecked and sunk a lot of relationships. I do hope dear that you will not have to tell stories about that. How do you handle it you asked? Don’t worry we shall deal with it shortly but let’s look at another point that causes relationship problems.

LACK OF MONEY
Once, a teenage girl said, “How can a relationship be sweet when there is no money.” Money of course brings a lot of good moments into a relationship, in the house, family, company, etc. but that does not mean that it is what matters most. Maybe you are the type that cannot endure hardship. Probably because there is no more money, you are now causing lots of problems between you and your spouse, parents, friends, etc. this is tragic! Some wives divorced their husbands because he is no longer bringing much money to the house again, I am pretty sure that you are not among that category. If you are then there is an urgent need for you to retrace your steps now. Let us try and see how we are going to handle these issues.

HANDLING YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
I am going to briefly look at these points that I raised above so that we can start from there. If you want to be free from any relationship problems, then you must know how to be a man of understanding. Don’t always be the right person but consider your partner in every and any matter or issue. Now let me tell you what happens when you misunderstand, you seem to exaggerate and compound your partner’s blunder with respect to what is causing the relationship problem. You can hardly see your flaws and mistakes; all blames will be channeled to him or her.

For you to understand you must be able to listen and be patient with him or her. You must learn to appreciate his or her input in the relationship and also encourage him even when it seems that his best does not satisfy you. Always remember that it takes two to agree, so when you don’t agree there may never be a remedy for your relationship problem.

Crisis for Relationships

The problem is that not everyone defines ‘sexting’ the same way. Is it the sending of sexually explicit or provocative messages? Is it primarily the sending of sexual images? Some people see it as one, the other or even as both. This has been unclear because there have been various opinions about the subject. ‘Sexting’ may not be limited to just messaging but could also include the use of Twitter, Facebook, Skype and Facetime, as well as, other social media platforms. This could also mean sending sexually explicit video or showing nude body parts while video conferencing. This complicates matters even more and broadens the current definition.

Most people have really warmed up to the idea of ‘sexting’ and according to the research, previously cited, a very high number of people have engaged (and continue to engage) in this behavior. These research studies and surveys have focused on how ‘sexting’ can improve relationships and rekindled sex lives. However, there is a darker side as well. This article focuses on those individuals that use ‘sexting’ as a way of seeking excitement, sex, and/or attention outside of their present relationship. The lines are sometimes blurred with regards to virtual or internet relationships because they are not viewed as being “real.”

Is ‘Sexting’ outside of a relationship considered cheating?

‘Sexting’ outside a relationship can be exciting especially for those individuals that are looking for ‘that extra something’ in their lives. Perhaps these individuals love their spouses or partners but seem to have ‘lost’ the passion or excitement in their relationship. For other individuals, maybe they are looking to find someone else online or in a virtual sense (i.e. via texting, online websites or other media) that they can flirt with and is considered “safe.” That could fall into the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence” scenario. A person may be very happy or mostly satisfied with their partner but think that they might be able to find something better outside their relationship.

Other scenarios could include men or women that seem to feel as if they are invisible to their partners or spouses due to over demanding careers, children, mental illness, physical illness, alcoholism, etc. These individuals may find that through ‘sexting’ with a 3rd party that they can feel loved, desired and even sexy. It is through this media (and possibly other reasons) that people justify their actions and tell themselves that they are not cheating because there is no physical relationship.

 ‘Sexting’ doesn’t have to involve physical contact and it could just be chalked down to a simple fantasy (or something that they don’t intend to pursue). It may have started as something very innocuous (like work-related messages sent to a colleague, coworker or fellow student) but then it moved forward to a more sexual type of relationship.

However if a person is deleting texts, hiding cell phone bills, or being secretive about this virtual relationship then it seems that he/she has become more involved with someone other than a spouse or partner. This person is now thinking about another person, sending pictures to that person, and possibly wishing he/she could spend time with that other person. If we are looking at the health of a marriage or relationship, any time someone else becomes involved, that health has now been compromised

So what should you do?

If you have found yourself interested in finding attention outside your marriage or relationship, it is important to ask yourself some important questions.

What do you want to accomplish? What are your intentions? Have you found that you are not interested in maintaining your marriage or relationship? What is the reason you are trying to connect with someone else? Are you looking for some attention because you are not getting it at home? Are you seeking out something more exciting or compatible than your partner/spouse? Or is your relationship salvageable with the help of someone who can encourage better communication and engagement? Are you just looking to make you’re your partner/spouse jealous? These questions need to be answered before the relationship deteriorates past the point of no return.

If you decide that you are simply not interested in continuing with your present relationship, then some honest dialogue needs to occur with your spouse or partner. It is important to communicate your feelings and to allow this other person the opportunity to hear that the relationship is over. This allows your partner to start the process of grieving the relationship and eventually moving on. Hopefully, you are able to provide some support and compassion for your spouse or partner and allow for a more amicable separation.

However if you have recently found out that your spouse or partner has been involved in a ‘sexting’ relationship, it is important for you to maintain composure. It is completely normal to have intense emotions regarding the situation however it will not help in the communication process. Please ask questions about this other relationship and find out about your partner’s intentions. It is important to know if your spouse or partner is interested in continuing with your relationship and ending the other one or not. It is helpful to have an objective 3rd party there to help both of you to determine in which direction you both want to travel.

Boundaries In A New Relationship

Boundaries are a set of rules we create to let people know how we would like to be treated. They also determine how other people’s actions and words affect us and how our own behaviour and words can affect others.

Being crystal clear about how you want to be treated is so important when entering into any new relationship. Setting up the understanding of what you prefer gives the other person the opportunity to figure out if they can meet your expectations, or not.

Once the relationship is established your desire for closeness should be met with closeness. If your new partner only ever wants to hook up on a Friday night after they’ve already been out, but having an actual conversation with them is like pulling teeth, then it’s probably a good sign that they don’t want the same thing as you.

If this is happening, and you find yourself making excuses for them, then you need to be honest with yourself and ask why you’re putting up with that sort of behaviour.

Being flexible is important. Allowing room for mistakes is okay, but when their pattern of behaviour feels like you have to constantly adjust something within yourself, then it’s time to make a decision about what you really want.

A friend of mine recently met a guy through an online dating site. They had a good connection and started emailing each other on a regular basis. One day he sent her an email and called her by a different name. At first she corrected him and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The second time it happened, well let’s just say, he ran smack bang into her boundary!

Whether you or I would have given him a second chance is not important, because boundaries are unique to each person. What my friend knew was that she was also talking to more than one person, and it could have been an honest oversight. By the second time, she felt it was a sign he wasn’t putting in much effort, and that definitely didn’t bode well for a long and happy future together.

 

 

Two People Put On An Act During The Start Of A Relationship

What happens during this time is likely to be what determines if they will get together again. Therefore, if this stage goes well, there is a strong chance that they will spend more time together.

And after they have met each on a number of occasions, at least one of them could tell others that they are now in a relationship. If this was to happen, and the other person was to hear about it, they might be only too happy to go along with it.

Time Goes By

As the weeks and months go by, this could be a relationship that ends up going from strength to strength. They could believe that they were made for each other, and this could be what other people say.

Through having this kind of connection, it might only be a matter of time before they get married and have children. The kind of connection they have is likely to make it easier for them to deal with any conflict that arises.

At Odds

Perhaps one of them won’t like a habit that the other has, or maybe they believe that they work too much, for instance. Even so, they may be able to talk about things like this in way that brings them closer.

Each person could take responsibility for how they feel, which will enable them to express what is taking place within them without pointing the finger, so to speak. By taking this approach, it will be a lot easier for them to resolve conflict.

Part of Life

Still, regardless of how well two people get on when they first come into contact with each other, it is not going to be possible for them to always get on in this way. This partly comes down to the fact that they will have different challenges to face together.

Also, each person will end up seeing sides of the other person that they haven’t seen before. Therefore, even if both of them didn’t put on an act when they first got together, it is not going to mean that they will know everything about each other.

Another Factor

There is also the chance that they were not desperate to be in a relationship. They may have wanted to be with someone, but it wouldn’t have been something that consumed their whole life.

If they were needy, it might not have mattered if they accepted themselves, as this may have stopped them from being able to be themselves. Their unmet need would have taken over, and this would have caused them to put on an act.

A Different Experience

When two people don’t accept themselves, it is going to be normal for them to put on an act when they meet each other for the first time. They can end up trying to do whatever they can to please the other person.

Their need to be accepted will override just about every other need that they have, and there is also the chance that they are extremely needy too. It could then be irrelevant as to whether the other person is actually suitable for them.

The Perfect Match

Yet, even though they are both putting on act, they are likely to be caught up in how they feel. Due to what is taking place within them, there is going to be no reason for them to think about if the other person is right for them.

It could be a number of months before they start to see the other person for who they are and to let go of the idealised image that they have created. After a while, one of them could think about how the other person has completely changed.

Another Response

This could then mean that they will try to do everything they can to change the other person. Who they have become is not going to be the person they want to be with; they will want to be with the person they were with before

One of them is then going to try to control the other, and this can show that they feel powerless. The other person could also remind them of the parts of themselves that they don’t want to face.