Monthly Archives: September 2017

Be a Strong Woman in Love

As relationships are changing, then the ideal relationship also changes. A while back you got married to unite families and properties, that was the ideal. Now we have an ideal of “romantic” love through marriage because of hollywood and also because we are moving into love from spiritual places, not just about survival and pooling our resources. If you think about relationships in the caveman era… it was ALL about pooling resources. And women back then were the main providers because they did all the gathering of the everyday foods, nuts, seeds, berries, vegetables etc.

The men only got the hunt every other occasion. The women were the source of 80% of the food. With evolution women took the background as men started to be dominant in providing resources through technology and through controlling women in marriage so the men could track who was the mother of their babies… and just because the whole world become about control. The stranglehold of control is what is starting to shift on our planet. Big time.

Take a look at our economy folks, we are swinging back to women becoming the providers. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist expert on love has pointed out how women today are coming back to the center of driving the economy. Women are becoming stronger because they are more central in gathering resources, in making choices about our daily lives and taking leadership roles in our governments and communities.

Love experts have said that a strong woman is intimidating to a man, while others say a woman needs to create the nurturing space for the relationship, to be being the “soil” for the man to plant his seed and grow. I don’t think this gets to where we are arriving at with the shift in relationships. I think a deeper evolutionary process is happening where we are questioning the biological roles of men and women and exploring how to actually shift these roles, so that both men and women can be aware of their masculine and feminine bodies and hormones AND have more choice in relationships, more choice in how to love and more choice in creating the ideal love that they are looking. I know when my mother got married, she didn’t think of any of those things! She was thinking, what a nice hunk, I hope he picks me!

The freedom women have now in relationships, means we need to take our dreams and ideals about relationships to a NEW place. Being a strong woman has been said to be a challenge to a man, but throughout history strong women have been necessary for survival and for keeping families together. Strong women are the ones who recognize that relationships are not what we think they are, but rather what we CREATE within the family and with their love partner.

Strong women are the ones who recognize that even when our romantic relationships don’t work, we are still creating love at every corner. We still hold open a space for love in our lives. And we are working through centuries of expectations where women were expected to suffer through abusive relationships. But not anymore.

Women are choosing independence before suffering, because the new ideal of the shift in relationships is self realization in place of giving up the self for relationships. Women are creating choices now that will shift the planet into a world where the individual in the relationship has a voice to change the relationship for the better.

Strong women in love are the ones who stay open to the shift in relationships, because we no longer have the guarantee that any relationship will last. That does not mean that strong women do not feel the hurt of a relationship breaking down. In fact, it means we become more emotionally stronger to take separation and hurt and loss into our hearts and heal and look at all the unresolved hurts that we have experienced in love, not just this life – but for all the lives you have ever lived. I know my mother did not have the opportunity to resolve her hurt in her relationship. So I also spend time giving thanks to her. In spite of feeling trapped, unable to express herself and feeling not loved, my mother taught me to be free, independent and strong.

Strong women, teach other women and men how to be hurt and still love in spite of the hurt, to give instead of going into “what’s in it for me”. Imagine what the world will be like when we finally shift out of feeling trapped in our choices of love, life and relationships and start healing those old wounds. This shift in relationships is asking to lift every unturned stone and see what remains unloved and love it until we can be free of any suffering.

Romantic Lasting Relationship

Before I go any further, let me add that enjoying a truly romantic lasting relationship is serious business, it doesn’t just happen it takes effort. What I’m about to share with you is simple but very powerful, don’t treat it with levity. Make sure you treat them seriously and take time to reflect on them and find a way to work with them in your relationship.

1. Don’t Hope, Decided.

A lady went to the airport to welcome an old friend whom she hadn’t seen for a long time. While she was waiting, she saw a man arrived and run towards a woman. She was drawn to this scene, especially when the man grabbed the woman, kissed her and exclaimed how much he had missed her. Amazed by this display, she asked the man, ‘Sir, how long have you been married?’ She expected the answer to be one or two months.

Without so much as a sidelong glance at what he obviously considered a distraction, he replied. ‘Eighteen year now.’ Assuming that the man had been away from his family for a while, she pursued the matter, inquiring, ‘How long have you been away?’ To her surprise, he said, ‘Two days.’ Amazed, she remarked, ‘I hope I marry a man like you who will love me as much.’ Hearing this, the man looked at her and said, ‘Don’t hope, decided.’

See, feelings alone don’t make a true romantic lasting relationship. If it does, everybody with a feeling will have one hell of a great relationship, don’t you think? But, is that the case? Of course not! Why? “Because, true love is not just a feeling, but a choice”; the love that will make a relationship really romantic and sustain it forever, is not something you wished for, but rather something you decide upon and work at.

My advice is, stop hoping, stop wishing and make a decision that you are going to have a hell of a romantic relationship like you desire, decide that you will do whatever it takes and you will not stop until you have achieve your desires concerning relationship. Make sure your decision is strong and solid, so it gets through to your entire being; mind, soul, spirit and body.

2. Get Informed.

The very first mistakes people make when it comes to building a romantic relationship that last, is being totally clueless about the do’s and don’ts of building the relationship of their dreams.

It’s important that you updated yourself with new ideas for improving your relationship, source for new ideas, and new ways of improving the romance in your relationship. You’ll need new ideas in many areas in your relationship, most especially romance and sex.

Avoid monotony in your relationship; variety is what will spice up your union. Keep yourself up to date with the latest romantic inventions that will help you improve your romance and sex. Read books, magazines, watch relationship programmes on TV, search the Internet for information, attend seminars, talks and workshops on romance and relationship.

3. Communication is a Catalyst for Romance

Communication is one of the most important ingredients of a truly romantic relationship. Break in communication is solely responsible for the larger case of unfulfilling relationship and most of the divorce cases. A lot of people get it wrong when it comes to communication.

The correct and real communication, the kind that ignites and keeps the romance burning, actually involves lesser words. They are communication that is done with or without words. They are communication in which there is mutual understanding of the information that is being communicated.

Begin right now to improve on your communication with your partner. Learn to sometimes communicate with each other non-verbally; most especially when others are present, when on visit, during shopping, during indoor or outdoor activities, etc. e.g. a quick wink at each other. I can’t stress enough the importance of this key because not getting it right will make every other thing you might get right like child’s play.Let me tell you another fact on communication, just incase you’ve not have heard it before; the only way to know how to communicate effectively with your spouse is to communicate.

Persons Succeed in Their Relationships

After giving consultations and therapy to many persons, I noticed that broken relationships can be traced to the following factors and causes. I also did some research about relationships, and found out that statistics also support these causes.

Let us explore these observations, one by one.

1-Lacking Love:

People who didn’t receive love in their childhood, are very likely to fail in their relationships.

Love in early childhood, from parent to a child, is very important for that child.

The child will grow up and carry that love with him/her, and ultimately is able to love back.

Love back??

Love back means that a grown up person, is able to give love to his/her partner, and also to his/her children, as a future parent.

A child without love from parents will grow up seeking love in a potential partner. The partner may not have that love for him/her, and subsequently, the relationship will fail.

2-A child lacking love from parents will grow up, and once become a parent, he/she is unable to give love to his/her children. He/she is very likely, not able to love his/her children. You cannot give what you don’t have.

3-We can save many relationships if we give enough love to our children.

4-A person lacking childhood-love will keep searching for love among different future partners. Usually not successful.

5-Broken relationships, attributed to lack of childhood-love, will cause many failed marriages. This cycle will continue and subsequently, create same persons with same results.

6-Many women are attracted to a man because his personality is same as their fathers. This aspect of “father-love” means the relationship is not purely physical. Relationships have their metaphysical, or spiritual aspect.

7-Many level-6 women are attracted to level- 3 men. Level-6 is quiet & peaceful type, the type of person who is likely to agree with you on most issues. Level-3-type is the macho type. Level-3 is the type of person who wants it his own way, not likely to compromise and is ego-centric. This difference in personality can be a major attraction factor among men and women.

8-In spite of their contradicting words, many women like macho men. This behavior means if the two partners, man & woman have the same independent personality, that relationship is likely to fail. It may last for years, and some would argue that the fact it lasted for years it meant it works. However, that relationship during those years is actually “looking” for an excuse to end it, and once it finds it, it actually ends it. This behavior explains why some partners or marriages fail after so many years. That relationship was not based on solid foundations in the first place.

9-Whenever the two partners, man and woman, are having equal significance level, that relationship is also destined to fail. This means that one partner “MUST” have more importance or significance, than the other partner. Some partners of equal independence level are happy, but that is the exception, not the norm.

10-Career and Relationships: Career and relationships have inverse relations, meaning the more successful you are at work, the less successful you will be at your relationship. I noticed this trend is more common among women than men. Again, some are successful in both, but that is the exception.

11-Age: I noticed that most women in a relationship/marriage change negatively against their partners, usually at the age of 40-45. At this age, the woman becomes more hostile to her partner. The result usually is a broken relationship.

12-People who are not successful in their relationships, try to succeed at work, and usually, they succeed at career

Meaning of A Relationship

Anyone can say that they are in a relationship. However it takes true work to be in a relationship. What a relationships is not, is you finding someone being attracted to them and calling them your boyfriend or girlfriend. Then after a month or so, you find out you do not really like them, and then you jump to someone else and that person is now your boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is something that my friend seem to be shocked about. She takes her relationships very seriously and those that she is in a relationship with, she deems them as someone that she is going to be with for a long time for the purpose of moving into something more serious.

Although this is how it should be, this is not how it is. Both men and women will jump from person to person stating that they are in a relationship not knowing what it really takes to be in a relationship. True relationships are beyond self satisfaction and getting your rocks off for the moment. True relationships can be fulfilling if you let them, I am convinced that so many go bad because people do not know what true relationships are.

Relationships are not about you. This is a common mistake that people make. They get into relationships because they want to be fulfilled, because they are looking for someone to make them better, because they want, they want, they want. This is not to say that when you are in a relationships that these things do not happen, but you are not the focal point of a relationship.

Relationships are about a mutual understanding of one another. Coming together for a purpose that enriches both lives and also fulfills your purpose. Does this make sense?

Some people who enter relationships are not really ready for relationships. To be in a true relationships you need to have your stuff together. This does not mean that you need to be a millionaire. But it means that you should be self sufficient.

For men, this means that you do not need to be living with your mother, unemployed, and not taking care of the 15 children that you have by 9 different women. If you are not taking care of your own responsibilities, the last thing you need is a women to add on to more responsibilities that you have. And for women, if a man is not taking care of himself and his kids, then why would you want to be with him any way.

This was the case with the friend I mentioned above. When she first told me about her potential man, he was not seeing any of his kids nor did he have a relationship with this children. I tried to explain to her that being romantically involved with him was the last thing that she needed to do at this time. Make him get his crap together first. This type of behavior symbolizes a flaw in his character. If he does not have enough sense to take care of his own self, what makes you think that he can fulfill responsibilities as a man and potential husband to you.

The bigger issue is that women do not know what to look for. This or that they are to hungry for a man that they are willing to overlook his shortcomings all to say that they are in a relationship. Then they are shocked a few weeks, months, or years down the line when the man disappoints them. Did they not see this coming? He was a disappointment when you meant him? Why did you think you were going to change him?

For men, why look for women who do not take care of their kids or do not have their stuff together. And even worse, have more kids by them and then you are shocked when they are a bad mother. They were a bad mother when you got with them. Did you not see the writing on the wall?

People get on me because I am single. But I am confident, and get offers on a regular basis. But as a single mother, I have to look beyond the idea of being in a relationship and think to myself, is this person really good for me? Will this person be a good man and potential husband or would they just be an added burden?

Yes they may look good, they may even talk good, but actions speak louder than words. Look at their life, their past history, look at what they do over what they say and this is what would tell you if they are a fit person to be in a relationship with or not.

In today’s world, 50% of marriage end in divorce. This is for many reasons. But mainly it is because people do not really know who they are marrying. They are so busy putting on a facade, or looking at the physical and do not reflect on if the person fits into their long term plan.

God taught me this lesson which is why I needed to slow my role on dating. He told me

“Sophia, why do you even give half these men the time of day? Get to really know them first. Do not pay attention to the nice words they are speaking or what they promise. Find out who they really are, and then you will find out if they are the one of you.”

This may sound like a none humble thing to say, but God has shown be what He wants me to be and what He wants me to do. And since then every person that I go with, I see if they fit into that plan. There are certain things about men that I must have. I do not like men who lie, cheat, steal, who have a bad moral character, and those who are not Christian. Before I use to entertain such men, but then I found that there was no point. These are the things that I require from a man, and therefore, if they do not have these characteristics, no matter how fine are, or how much their 8 packs looks good to me; I rather pass.

I want a man that is after God first and foremost. Not just one that goes to church and fakes the funk stating they are Christian but there is nothing in their personal life that resembles God.

I am not saying that all women should be like me, but I am so tired of women condoning none sense out of men. Allowing men to bounce between them, and fighting each other over a no good man. What world do we live in?

I am tired of seeing men talk about how their women cheat on them and how much of a bad women she is. I know they saw her posing half naked on Instagram, with man number 1, 2, and 3. Why would she change that because she is with you?

A lot of relationships issues can be prevented if you refuse to get into the relationships in the first place. A lot of men when learn to man up if women stop fighting one another over a sorry behind man and leave him alone to get his life together. A lot of men would avoid trifling behind women if they look beyond her breast and butt implants and actually observe how she lives her life and see that she is trifling