The Potential of Any Relationship

At the moment any pairing occurs, a new dynamic is produced which is termed a relationship. Relationships occur on so many levels: parent and child, marriage, boss and worker, teacher and student, siblings, in-laws, law and criminal, doctor and patient, stalker and victim, clergy and parishioner, to name a few.

Regardless of how many people we meet and the circumstances under which we meet them, in a split second of time a unique relationship is formed, one that did not exist prior to that moment and will cease to exist if the two people involved choose not to pursue it. Some of these meetings are brief such as a waitress handing you a cup of coffee. Some last a lifetime such as family members or marriage partners.

The bond that occurs between a mother and a child at the moment of birth is unique. After many years of refusing to allow the father to be present at the birth, the medical establishment currently encourages the father’s participation. The split-second bonding that the mother has always experienced is now available to the father. Yes! Nothing can equal that incredible moment and nothing can capture it once it has passed without the father’s participation. The mother really does not have a choice at childbirth; her participation is mandatory.

Suppose I have ten friends. Each pairing provides a unique friendship. This takes nothing away from my other nine friends and enlarges each of our lives because of those friendships. I am bettered and my friend is bettered by our friendship. If I am a better person because of that friendship, I will be a better person to all my other friends, family, co-workers, etc. Whatever adds to my personal dimension in a positive fashion affects everything I do and everyone I touch with my more positive self. Conversely, if I am in a relationship that is negative, that negativity also affects all other relationships in which I participate if I am in any way diminished or compromised in the experience of that one relationship. I have been lessened therefore I am less than what I could be with all whom I come in contact.

To me there seem to be parts or stages to relationships in general. There is an initial introductory part… the beginning. Next comes the process, duration and nature of the relationship. A third stage might have to do with endings or finality. This would translate loosely to a beginning, a middle and an end. I am sure there are other divisions or stages to explore. Each stage has myriad possibilities for experience as each relationship is unique. Astrologically we can easily look at the potential of any relationship (the beginning) and we can also look at the reality of the relationship (the middle and possibly the end).

At times the potential and the reality of a relationship work harmoniously. What we see is what we get. At other times a relationship does not live up to its potential. What we see is not what we get. It would be helpful to compare both possibility and reality to determine which relationships have a better chance of success in real life terms. In this article we will examine the potential of the relationship using the composite wheel. The reality of a relationship will be covered in a companion article.

The method by which you construct a composite wheel is to start with the natal (birth) wheels of each of the two individuals involved. Briefly, there are 13 major points that are traditional when reading astrologically: the Sun, Moon, and the eight planets, the ascendant, midheaven and lunar nodes. Thirteen points are primary out of a possible 360-degree circle for each person

At this point you must do a very unusual thing with your mind. You must stop thinking of the individuals involved and keep your focus on the relationship as an entity. This wheel is not about the individuals, no matter how much one individual wants to slant it in their own direction. This map is about the potential of the relationship that is formed not the individual people involved. I am repeating the word potential for a reason. Because of the mathematics involved, this artificial wheel assumes that the two people involved will meet each other half way on all issues, 50/50, and that is not remotely possible in any society. There must be give and take between the two people involved in any relationship but equalization on all issues is a fantasy. The composite allows you to see the idealized potential but may not fit the actuality of the experience over time. Why?

At the beginning of any meaningful relationship, the people involved really have high hopes for the relationship and are on their best behavior to ensure that the relationship continues. This is an unnatural behavior because none of us can be on our best behavior forever. Sooner or later we will relax into normalcy (for us) and that produces change in the relationship. It is not faking or intentional, it is natural. Most of us will do whatever we must to cement a relationship and then we relax. Over time the potential that enticed us may not turn out to be our actual experience. This can be disillusioning and disappointing but it may not be deliberate. Eventually we each will be true to our own selves as the “ideal” gives way to “reality.” If we have made the mistake of putting one another on pedestals this could be devastating as one or both fall off those pedestals. The repercussions from such falls can get very nasty.